15 weeks and 5 days

Nearly halfway through this pregnancy, and I can't believe my ass didn't create a blog sooner. I seem to always have a need to pump too much information over the world wide web; and surprisingly I didn't do that as early as I should have.

Today I'm 15 weeks and 5 days. It hasn't been much of a stretch for me. I mean hell, for the first 10 weeks I was clueless as to what my obese body was going through. I thought it was just lack of exercise and need for more sugar intake to help the withdraw.

Like I've repeatedly parroted to you before, I was a little shocked to learn Josh and I were having another child. We always discussed we wanted 2-3 children, but we never gave it much of a thought after we had Payton. She seemed to be our grounding we were looking for our of our wild ways into adult hood. We spent all of our time on her that the thought of bringing in another child would be awkward for us.

Not to mention my ovaries have 'FAIL' ettched into them from previous surgeries and complications. As I'm writing this, I'm sitting here with 3/4 of a left ovary. That's it. Not to mention the fact that I have PCOS and a tilted cervix.

So I guess this baby is about as miracle as we're going to see in our lives.

I'm on the fence between excitement, worry and guilt. The excitement is obvious (though it took awhile to find that point), the worry is your basic having 2 children worries and the guilt?

The guilt is because we are afraid of how Payton will adjust going from the only, to the first.

Now, she's always been the sweetest little girl when it comes to babies. She's been super through this one so far. She is afraid to sit on my lap because she doesn't want to "hurt her baby". She makes sure if I fall asleep on the couch to bring me a blanket and stay super quiet. It's her "baby". Listening to her talk about it and proudly announce, "that's my baby!" melts me.

I guess I shouldn't have guilt.

Kate Gosselin should have guilt, but I shouldn't.

As far as "symptoms" throughout this one; it's been pretty easy rolling. I mean I guess since I was clueless almost the entire trimester made the ball go a little smoother, but you know.

I should have tested Oct 17-19th. That's the first period I skipped - but skipping isn't unusual for me since I have these gangster ovaries. I went back on my Facebook (which I am so dearly attatched to, and will update everything from a tooth ache to the consistency of my shit) and checked what I wrote those dates.

I remember it vividly.

I had the "stomach flu".

I was puking, gagging and heaving my guts out for days; literally days. Payton had brought a string home and had it for a few days, but me? I had it for 4 weeks.

Here's your sign.

I've also had really horrendous migraines with this one. The "throbbers" as I call them. The type where you just sit around all day and whine about how miserable you are and hope to God someone has pity on you.

But back to the day I found out -

When November 18th rolled around, which is the day I was exactly 2 months late on my period, I decided what the hell. The Dollar Tree is good to the fertile women of the United States and produces them for $1.

On the way home from a family Thanksgiving with Josh's step side, I swung by the Dollar Tree and grabbed one. Josh went to work, and I went home to dot some piss on this little piece of plastic.

I guess I should have waited until he got home from work to give him the news. Instead? I called his straight line to him at work. He answered in a leisurely, "Yeah?"

"I'M $%#*ING PREGNANT!!?"

..... Silence.

And that's how it became to be.

It's still a little surreal for me. I don't feel pregnant. I do feel small movement every once in awhile and I just keep telling myself, "let one rip".

It's going to take awhile to get used to. I still have about 24 weeks to get used to it I guess. I'm sure I will be discussing mostly food topics on here (because I have a love for that kind of shit) and whining to the max about 'woe is me'. (It gets me brownie points from Josh, and random Taco Bell.)

Thanks for hanging in there for this miserable post.