I've missed you blog!
I've been MIA for a few days due to an unbelievable pain in my ass -
and no we're not talking about Josh here.
Josh's wannabe Backstreet boyfriend, Brian, doesn't find it neccesary to shovel driveways, so I blame him for my ungraceful fall on the ice. (I'm not going on a limb and admitting it was probably the slutty boots I was wearing.)
The only thing that broke my fall, was my ass. Didn't have time to put my hands down or anything, I went right down on my tailbone.
Now, I'm not sure if any of you have ever bruised a tailbone or not, but sitting, standing, coughing, sneezing, moving in general fucking hurts.
And I'm not talking about whining just to be whining. I want to sleep for about 5 days to just let it pass because I don't want to be awake during it any longer.
My poor ass :(
Thankfully I had the smarts not to run right in to the ER and rack myself up a $394034590343 bill for someone to play with and xray my ass all night. I called the OB unit to have their advice on an ass falling situation; they told me if I didn't have any cramps, bleeding or lack of fetal movement I should be fine.
No cramps, no bleeding and Finley was definitely not happy about the fall because the butterflies in my stomach let me know - so the only thing affected was my ass (and ego).
I've been getting huge all of the sudden. Within the last week I swear I look like I'm 10 months pregnant. I've got the gestation of an Asian elephant apparently. This "bump" (mountain) came absolutely out of no where. I look as big now as I did at 9 months the first time...
but I'm sure it's not the excessive over eating, or fact that I already had a huge stomach in the first place :) Of course not.
The shopping process has begun, and already I'm spending in amounts I know I shouldn't be. It's so hard not to. I've got an addiction to ruining my credit so why not?
Last night Josh and I had a date night with Brooke and James and even afterwards we found time to shop. Even if Burlington Coat Factory closed in 20 minutes.
I tell you what, I always know that if I'm doing something with Brooke that I should wear a pad, or adult diaper. I have the BEST time with her - always. The fact that her and I are on the same level about so many things makes our days together like something from a comedy.
We went and ate at the Olive Garden last night. If the 45 minute drive to Clarksville wasn't satisfying enough in the laughter department (ie: openly embarrassing James and Josh, laughing about the past, etc.) then the meal definitely was.
This was the first time I've EVER been to the Olive Garden and didn't have to wait! I think our shortest wait time there has been maybe 45 minutes prior to last night. It's dead in there.
We get seated and our waiter takes forever to show up - which is awkward because even when we're elbow to elbow with other dining families, we never wait.
We get this man who looks like he could be a miniature mass murderer. (Which really if you look around, all of the males have mass murderer type of hair dos.) This guy had his ear cartlidge pierced and had his long hair pulled back into a ponytail. Let's not forget the hair gel he used to try to maintain the wet head look.
He introduces himself as Grahm and tells us he apologizes that it's so slammed in there. He's going on and on about how busy they are, etc.
He was not only a mini mass murderer, but a filthy fucking liar.
Off the bat he was terrified of us. I'm not sure if it was the fact we were big people eyeing him like he was holding the first piece of pumpkin pie at Thanksgiving, or the fact that I openly let Grahm know that Brooke's drinking used to be out of control and she got naked at Taco Bell. (Ok, so he walked into that conversation.)
Once he apologized for about the 9249304893453th time, he rattled off the menu for us (which we had obviously had enough time to read and figure out) and then asked what we'd like.
After ordering, he proceeds to grab the free standing dessert menu from the table. When we act like we have no interest in it, he throws it across the table - right in Brooke's direction.
Poor Grahm. I'm sure it wasn't easy being picked on by 4 large people with an appetite for humor.
But I guess I can't forget the fact that he always acted like he was too busy for us, maybe saw us 3 times, but was always super fly and seen at least a dozen times at a table with 2 big booty'ed black women.
For Grahm's sake, it was ok - we had a long car ride home filled with someone letting farts and not owning up to it (until Josh ripped the land mine and all windows had to be down at 20 degrees) and extreme laughter.
And this morning, at 9:30am, I'm dining on left over salad.
Damnit Grahm.
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